Let's talk about burnout, kids.
So, burnout is now a diagnosable condition in ICD-10. That's a fancy way of saying that the medical field is acknowledging it as a real thing. But what is it exactly?
Occupational burnout can present in different ways for different people, but at its core is physical and/or emotional exhaustion. It often affects your physical and mental health. It can present as excessive cynicism, pessimism, or a decreased sense of empathy. It can cause you to be short with people and feel more anxious or depressed. It can drain you of your energy and patience. Sometimes it can feel like a thunderstorm looming over your head. It sucks and it seems to be quite a common experience.
Not many job fields burn people out more effectively than healthcare, specifically nursing.
Disclaimer: As a nurse, I can only speak from my own experience, but I'm sure other healthcare workers can relate to this. And yes, I realize that this is a controversial topic in our field. But if we do not talk about it, the issue will only get worse. Having constructive criticism for this field does not mean we love our careers any less.
Let me start off by saying my job has allowed me to do truly incredible things. Saving lives has been my bread and butter for about two years now. I have consoled the heartbroken. I have mourned my patients as if I knew them personally. I have connected with strangers in ways I did not think was possible. I remind myself of that most days as a way to look at my job with gratitude instead of anxiety or resentment.
It is truly an honor to be a nurse, but that honor is not without personal and emotional cost.
I see the Intensive Care Unit as a sort of pressure cooker. It's this emotionally and physically pressured space. I deal with the sickest people in the hospital. You don't realize how sick a human being can get until you have seen them on the brink of death.
If that's too morbid for you, consider exiting this post now. Look at my travel pictures or something (they're super pretty). I'm an ICU nurse, babes. Shit gets dark.
I've been thinking recently about the ways I have struggled with burnout. Here it goes.
It's not the patient care most of the time. I love taking care of people. I like talking to them, turning them, and giving them baths. I like that they require so much effort and care. The reason I feel myself getting burnt out is all the other nonsense we as nurses deal with, such as:
Management
Staffing Ratios
Condescending Physicians
Limited Resources
The focus on cutting budgets and increasing profits instead of the actual care of human beings
Personally, I just feel really tired, physically and emotionally. I tell families to take care of themselves all the time with the common quote, "You cannot pour from an empty cup", but I do feel like I force myself to do that some of the time. And then the job demands even more of me on top of that. It's exhausting and it does not always feel worth it. It numbs you down emotionally and you don't always feel like giving 100% all of the time.
It gets so hard.
But I'm still here and I still give a shit, so I guess that counts as a win on days like that.
"Burnout" is a dark head space. It sucks to experience it but I hope you know that you do not have to stay there. Our jobs are tough, and unfortunately burnout is a common occupational hazard with the way our health system is currently set up. So feel all the frustration, sadness, and exhaustion you need to feel. And then move on. Whether it's intense self care (which may include therapy), vacations, or even a switch in department or facility, do what you need to do to protect your physical and emotional health. It is the most important thing we are responsible for.
I don't really want to end this post on a happy note. Want to know why? Because my shifts don't always end on a happy note. Sometimes it takes me days to recover from the emotional exhaustion. It makes so much sense that we only work 3 days a week. Nursing is tough. And I don't want to invalidate mine or anyone else's emotions by getting all
"self-helpy". I just want to say to someone, anyone out there, that might be feeling the same way that I get it. I feel it. I understand you.
I also want you to know that you are doing a better job than you give yourself credit for. I am tired, too. All I can say is that friction breeds resilience. And I am confident that we have plenty of that to go around.
Lastly, I have found that these things help me shift my thoughts on rough days:
Remember why you started and where you are headed.
Remember that this head space is temporary.
Remember that you are an incredible and kind human being, and that burnout does not define you as a caregiver or as a person.
And finally, remember that it is okay to call out sometimes.
I love you all dearly. Thank you for hearing me.
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